The swinging lifestyle is not for everyone, no question about it, however, it has added an amazing dimension to our marriage. Not only the actual activity, (which actually happens fairly infrequently) but the discussions surrounding it, and the open communication between us required to participate.
My wife and I have an exceptionally happy marriage. We've been together for 15 years, and still love every moment we spend together.
My wife is bi-sexual, and I am straight, and for years she had fantasies about inviting other women, and other men and other couples into our bed, as did I.
At some point it became a part of our pillow talk, we talked to each other about our fantasies, and engaged in sharing fantasies as part of our lovemaking.
After a few years of that we decided to invite a friend into our bed.
It was a disaster! We hadn't done any research at all on how to be successful, and foolishly thought all we had to do was enjoy ourselves.
A few more years went by and we continued to share fantasies, and again the subject came up - needless to say we were more cautious this time, we actually found some swingers discussion boards, and became participants - asking questions, and learning how successful swingers did it.
We joined a couple of swingers match making site
and started to understand what we were looking for and how it matched with what others were looking for.
We found a great swingers magazine about swinging (I'll put a link to it at the bottom of this post - hope it won't get me in trouble), and read it cover to cover.
We looked online and found a local swingers club in our area and decided to visit the club.
We went to the club and get so excited that we couldn't wait and ended up having semi-public sex with each other (which was one of her fantasies - she is very exhibitionistic).
Then we went home and again had fantastic sex.
We went again the next weekend, and found a couple that looked fairly unthreatening and asked if we could sit down - they were very helpful in explaining all of the etiquette of the swingers lifestyle, and what the expectations were, so we sat with them all night and basically had them do a brain dump of everything they had learned in 25 years of being swingers.
One of the things we kept hearing was that we needed to set rules - which explained the disaster we experienced in our first attempt - no rules! We didn't know what was expected, there were guilt feelings and jealousy, and recriminations.
We sat down and developed a set of rules designed so that we would both know whet was okay, what made each of us uncomfortable, what was strictly off-limits, etc.
We discovered that getting ready to go to the club was so exciting that we almost didn't even need to go, the anticipation, the time we spent naked while bathing, grooming and getting ready, the conversations we had with each other while getting ready, watching her get her sexiest outfits on, and try things on for me, excited both of us so much we almost always had to make love before we even went to the club!
As we got more comfortable and confident (because of all the open conversation) our sex lives again improved, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other, riding in the car became really hot, getting ready for work in the morning, getting ready for bed, going out to dinner, all of our daily activities became huge turn-ons because we were so hot for each other.
We would spend time talking about things we wanted to try, and watching attractive women walk past would cause secret smiles to cross our faces because we would both be wondering if that sexy soccer mom was really a closet, back scratching, climb-the-headboard slut!
One night at the club, after months of playing with just one another, we met a married woman who followed us back to a room and joined us.
It was incredible! We both felt completely confident in our marriage and in our rules, and fulfilled a couple of our fantasies right then!
We met her and her husband for dinner a couple of nights later and immediately hit it off - the hardest part of swinging is finding a group of people that not only all like and respect each other, but also find each other attractive!
We started having foursomes - extremely erotic and enjoyable, and became great friends, we would bar-b-que together, go out to dinner, and it was amazing that we had friends that we could share fantasies with, and it was nothing to be riding down the interstate with his wife fondling me as my wife fondled him, or the women playing with each other in the back seat!
We had lots of really hot sex with them, and my wife and I took our sex lives to another level entirely - playing with them, and with each other, and going to the club, browsing swinger profiles on the sites, answering inquiries and participating in discussion forums became a shared hobby that we enjoyed and which turned us both on so much that it almost always culminated in us getting so excited we ended up launching each other into the stratosphere every time we touched afterwards.
We added single women and single men into the mix, and again, experienced pure enjoyment.
All of swinging - for us - is simply extended foreplay. The communication and openness required have dramatically improved our marriage in every way, there is no longer any worry about cheating, or whether the other person is satisfied - there is no reason for it! If one of us is interested in another person or couple, we just discuss it! It's amazing.
If you are truly interested in learning more about being a swinger, I recommend that you get involved even as a lurker in some discussion boards, join some websites and create a profile. If you are a couple, you naturally need to have very open discussions.
Make sure you set rules to make sure of your comfort levels.
I hope this has explained our feelings, and what we experience as swingers. I know that there is a common feeling in the "Vanilla" world that swingers are people who are unhappy with their partners sexually, or somehow lacking - it just isn't true.
Feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.